Happy Friday!
I’m excited to share some recent insights about how to succeed, or succeed better!
Why Writers Succeed
For 25 years, I have helped writers succeed. My students have won awards, been published by the major houses, and been produced in both TV and film. Over the years, I have asked myself why some have succeeded, and some have failed. Recently, I found the answer, and this understanding is part of what motivates me to seek to gain wide exposure for the Word of the Day practice.
I finally figured it out: While I offer a structure, deadlines, and a trademarked writing method, I’ve always focused on helping my students foster a high degree of self-acceptance but never made the exact connection as to why this is what makes the critical difference.
It’s often assumed that talent is what makes the difference, but I’m not so sure. When asked about the importance of talent, my answer is always the same: Everyone has talent, and talent alone doesn’t ensure anything. Applied talent wins, which is achieved in part by the amount of self-esteem the writer has for themselves! Self-esteem is critical because it gives the writer the confidence to allow full creative expression and the persistence necessary to complete a book or screenplay and get it out into the world. The amount of self-esteem we have is in direct proportion to the degree of self-acceptance we have! Why is self-acceptance so hard?
Structure is what allows true creativity to flourish, yet we often resist doing what we know is best for ourselves and then feel bad because we have betrayed ourselves. The “why” is beyond the parameters of this brief essay, but the mechanism to transform this tendency is to change our self-talk by noticing, deleting, and reframing our negative internal dialogues.
One way to accomplish this is suggested by Dr. Neil Fiore in his book and audiobook, Practical Solutions To Everyday Problems. Dr.Fiore suggests that you connect with an aspect of yourself that is an inner leader. I have been working with him, and my life has changed completely by following this advice.
My own distillation of his theory is as follows: we have at least two aspects of our identity. One is a rebellious three-year-old, and the other is a terrified six-year-old who desperately wants to be accepted and loved. Dr. Fiore posits that most of us are stuck in the argument between those two and suggests that we can find an inner resolution and a single focus by bringing in a third aspect of ourselves, an inner leader who is mature and loves and accepts the other two. This inner leader can act as a beacon to follow when overcoming the resistance that creates fear, procrastination, and writer’s block. We can ask ourselves, “Hey, who’s running the show here? A three-year-old? A six-year-old?” If the answer is yes, then the “why” becomes self-evident: small children should not be in charge of adult tasks.
By freeing our inner children from making decisions outside their purview, this inner adult can mediate between these two sides and ultimately take control by saying, “Hey, you two- stop it! Neither of you is equipped to make this decision, but as your leader, I will make the choice, and you are not responsible for the outcome.” Try it, and you will find a sense of instant relaxation and relief. This way of thinking frees you to be objective and make the choices that will aid and assist yourself in the future, such as completing a book or screenplay.
In our last session, Neil shared how to reassure these inner children and gave me a script for how my inner leader can talk to my inner children and permission to share it.
Use this script! I was delighted to find myself able to resume writing my new novel after being distracted by a situation that needed to be managed. I was stuck. My three-year-old rebelled at having to work even harder, and my six-year-old was terrified that no one would like it! Thank you, Neil!
I’ve recently read several more of his wonderful books, and he also has seminars and does private coaching.
Belated Valentine’s Day Gift
My colleague Mitch Ditkoff sent me this beautiful slide show. Enjoy and share with friends.
Word of the Day Webinar
The next Word of the Day webinar is Wednesday, March 1. We’ll meet via Zoom at 7:00 pm EST.
Email me at horowitz.marilyn@gmail.com if you’d like to attend.
Here’s to your writing success,
Professor Marilyn Horowitz
